The real reason for a four month gap

Yep, still haven't released the 'missing' SG issues I mentioned last time. I have a pretty good excuse. Excuses, actually.

First the big one. Some time after I wrote the last post, I was laid off from my job. Unexpectedly, as tends to be the case with layoffs. It's not a good feeling and it tends to throw your life into disarray. I was lucky to find another job not too long afterwards, but that came with a lot of life changes. Needless to say I didn't want to sit in front of the keyboard much after that.

Second. The truth is when I dashed off that post in May I wasn't actually done with 25. I was really close. In fact I'm still not done; there's one last scene. It's probably 30 minutes of work. I also need to edit and rewrite 23, 24 and 25 itself, although I'm almost done with that process. So, bit of work still to be done. But why haven't I done it in the last few months?

Ah, excuse the third. Truth is, I have no damn idea what I'm doing any more, and not much of a clue why I'm doing it, either.

The series could run indefinitely. I know that now. I have plotlines that could run forever. I have major arcs, minor arcs and all sorts of crazy ideas. I have long term plans. I could even throw in a 'Brand New Day' or a 'Marvel Knights' style reboot (or even, as I contemplated a while back, a MAX version of the series - AKA 'all the sex, swearing and violence I want').

Here's the problem: right now, I gain nothing from this. Absolutely zero. Allow me to get very 'real' for the rest of this post.

In case you ever wondered, I have made about $100, total, from Google Ads in the entire time I have been writing mask fiction. That is, in case you were wondering, over a decade - actually almost 15 years, which is terrifying.

Now don't get me wrong - you could well argue that I didn't produce over $100 worth of good material in that time. (You'd be an unappreciative asshole, but you could make that argument.) To that I say two things: one, fuck you, and two - guess what, fuck you again.

Now that answer is established, let's talk numbers for a minute.

Conservatively I'd have to say that my work's been read by over 1,000 people. It's a pretty good guess. Given time, given the membership of the Maskfiction Group and so on, it's a good ballpark figure. So let's start with that: 1,000.

Here's another number: 237,403. That is the total number of words to date written on released issues of BBSSG. (And I have three more in the background.) In case you weren't aware, the average novel is between 60 and 80K words. An 'average' 250 page paperback is about 75K words. With that in mind I've written over three novels' worth of material for BBSSG alone. (Again: terrifying.)

One last number. What would you pay for a 250 page paperback in today's market? Let's say $7.99. Hell let's be generous! Let's say I'm on clearance for $4.99.

I'm sure you see where I'm going. In another dimension I've published three novels of BBSSG, each priced at $4.99, and each one sold 1,000 copies. Don't get me wrong, I know I don't get all the money in this fictional world (my fictional publisher takes the lion's share), but if we just look at gross revenue, that's almost $15,000 of imaginary revenue. That I'm not getting.

Nope, imaginary me can't live off that sort of money. But I could sure buy myself a decent imaginary car.

Guess what? I don't even need a car. I've got one, thanks. Truth is I actually don't need much of anything, even if I'm not a millionaire. You know what I do need though?

Some form of recognition. And I'm afraid pageviews and the occasional comment asking where your free fiction is don't cut it much any more.

What am I talking about? I'm talking about getting paid for what I write.

Not via Google Ads (Which are impossible to enforce, pay very little, and for various reasons I can't disclose, are difficult for me to even get money from). From actual money changing hands for an actual product. Your money. My product.

The truth is, I made this decision quite a while ago. Probably a year or two. I didn't talk about it in public partially because I didn't want to say this until I had something actually ready to sell you, and partially because I didn't want to hear people complaining about it, especially when they didn't have a fantastic book available to them to buy.

So why am I bringing it up now?

Because of Betty. That evil, seductive bitch of a muse.

In many ways BBSSG is like a bad girlfriend I know I should break up with, but can't. Every time I think I'm free of her, something pops into my head - some plot or image or line or whatever - that I can't shake. And then I write it down. And it gets added to the enormous plot backlog, and I think "I'll just write to that point, then stop". But then I get there, and I feel like I can just go a bit further... and so I do.

And every word I write of Betty's continuing adventures is one less word I write on The Babysitter. Or Housesitting. Or Teya. All of which, by the standards established above, could end up being novel-length.

Yes, I am fucking weak and I know it. Genre fiction, especially when I'm treading on established ground (but planting new flowers as I go) is way, way easier to write. So given my limited time when I do sit down, it's in some ways easier to write about Betty. So I do.

Despite myself. Despite myself, I continue.

And the simple, plain truth is: I'll never make any money from her. It took me years to decide to finally put ads on the blog, to put my hand out and say 'Please'. Even that worries me to this day. Certain corporations have very big pockets. With very serious lawyers. Who could get me very seriously sued. So the idea of actually trying to get paid, specifically, for Betty's adventures... it just can't happen.

And it loses something when you just rename all the characters. Trust me.

But here I am again. Why am I even writing this? Because I have new ideas. New ideas for the next arc, the next exciting chapter in Betty's life (The return of the Chameleon! The Green Goblin! Gwen Stacy!) and I can't get them out of my head.

So I return to the keyboard and I write. All the while knowing I could be doing something else, could be crafting something that perhaps, one day, I'll get paid for. Once, twice, thrice would be nice.

I didn't even want to write this screed when I sat down tonight. I wanted to just jot down the ideas that had been kicking around in my head all weekend long. But as I do, as I look at this blog and some of the comments here, I think... why the hell should I even give this to you? Why should I make this effort when I get absolutely zero in return?

Let me end this rant with one more point. I know the answer some of you are giving, as to why I should make this effort.

"Because you love to write? You love creating and you love these characters, right?"

You're right. However, most writers get to talk about their work. Most writers get some form of recognition, as I said, for their work. I'm not asking for fireworks or a parade or an appearance on Oprah. But imagine spending - as I have - 15 years of your life writing in secret. Finding moments in your life when no-one's around to write, to let that muse out - only to have to bottle it up and keep it hidden away.

Imagine putting all that effort out there for free, in an environment where anyone can read and enjoy. Then hearing almost nothing.

And you wake up one day and you think "Why did I spend all that time and get nothing in return, apart from the occasional hard-on?"

Ever wonder why there's so little mask fiction in the world?